How social media keeps us hooked and what we can do about it

picture of scrolling instagram with painting in background Anne Kearney

Get any group of artists together and the discussion will likely turn to the latest Instagram algorithm and how to crack it in order to achieve greater reach with one’s posts.

This obsession continues even as more and more of us become aware of how we are undermined by social media — our time is wasted, our mental energy and ability to focus are depleted, and our levels of anxiety, depression, and self-doubt are increased.

But while we keep guessing about platform algorithms, the social media giants long ago figured out how to use the algorithms of the human brain in order to extend their own reach. And although we might long for a more sustainable relationship with social media, that does not seem to be a mutual concern. On the contrary, social media platforms tap into our cognitive algorithms with the intention of getting every bit of time, attention, and engagement they can from us.

If we want to figure out how to make social media platforms work for us in a sustainable way, it helps to understand how these platforms are designed to hook and hold us.

How are social media platforms designed to work? Why is their pull so hard to break? Why do we keep coming back?

The Virtual Jiu-Jitsu of Social Media

Social media platforms practice a kind of virtual jiu-jitsu, using the strength of our own inclinations and cognitive biases against us.

In particular, these sites promote and amplify the kind of content that draws and holds our attention subconsciously and involuntarily. They take advantage of our innate desire for information, belonging, and social affirmation. They play on our insecurities and our worry about missing out. And they capitalize on the power of random reinforcement to keep us coming back.

Capturing and Holding Our Attention

A quick way to grab someone’s attention is to activate what Pavlov called the orienting reflex and what pioneering psychologist William James called involuntary attention. We involuntarily orient ourselves towards and pay attention to things in our environment that might be important. What’s important? Our brains are still attuned to pay attention to what was important in our distant evolutionary past — the things that were important for our survival and ability to thrive.

Our attention is captured by movement and noise, particularly if it is unexpected. It is captured by strong emotion or unusual behavior in others. It is captured by content that our evolutionary ancestors learned was important to pay attention to — things like blood, disaster, animals, babies, or people who don’t fit our conception of the norm.

Because the main goal of social media platforms is to grab your attention and keep you engaged, it rewards form and content that take advantage of our involuntary attention. Unfortunately, these aren’t always the things that we are actually interested in or want to be looking at. And yet, we can’t help but feel the pull and we either follow along or have to use mental effort to break away.

I don’t really want to spend time looking at cute cat or baby videos or reels of people doing ridiculous things to loud music, but when they are in my feed they pull at my attention and it’s very difficult not to stop and engage. The platform algorithm interprets this engagement as interest and correspondingly amplifies the post and packs my feed with similar content. It’s a vicious cycle.

“We’re just giving you more of what you want to see!” the platform claims. But the reality is that they are giving me more of what captures my involuntary attention and keeps me on the platform — which may have little to do with what I actually want and which all too often leaves me with a sense of time wasted and attention frayed.

We make matters even worse by scrolling. When we scroll we are in essence creating a choppy movie that continually activates our orienting response. This constant state of captured attention and alertness may feel effortless but it is actually mentally fatiguing and can leave us feeling worn out, grumpy, and nauseous.

Taking Advantage of Our Love of Information

Humans thrive on information. We collect it, hoard it, share it, sell it, and worry about missing out on it. What are people up to? What is happening in the world? What opportunities are out there? Is something about to drop?

Social media holds out the promise of fulfilling our desire for information. But in its effort to keep our attention, it favors quantity over quality, form over substance, immediacy over the slower paced, and content that evokes strong emotions such as fear or hate over more nuanced information.

Not only does this type of information contribute to polarization of views, but it often leaves us with the headache, fuzzy brain, and anxiety that result from information overload.

Preying on Our Social Needs and Concerns

We are wired to need community, social interaction, and validation from others and we suffer when these needs are not met. Social media platforms hook us and keep us coming back by holding out the promise of fulfilling our social needs. At their best, they can help us form community and stay in touch. But at the same time, these interactions are often shallow and unsatisfying.

Social media platforms also play on and amplify our social insecurities. We care what people think, even if we don’t really know them, leading to constant checking of who has reacted to our posts. We feel obligated to read and comment on all the posts of people we know lest we let someone down. We might even find ourselves changing what we post — or even worse, changing the art we create or the things we write about — in order to fit in with what others are posting or what seems to be getting the most views.

The platform wins as we start creating and posting content that fulfills its goals of hooking more people — often at the expense of our own intentions and mental health.

Using the Allure of Random Rewards Against Us

Back in the 1950s, psychologist B.F. Skinner discovered that the strongest way to encourage a particular behavior in rats was not to give a reward every time the behavior was performed, but rather to give rewards out at random intervals. It turns out that the same thing works with humans and many social media platforms use the allure of random rewards to their advantage.

We compulsively check our social media sites because we never know when we will get the socially affirming reward of a “like” or a comment. We keep trying new things with our posts because we never really know when we will be rewarded with greater reach. We constantly discuss the platforms’ latest algorithms as we try to guess at their reward system.

Keeping everyone engaged and guessing with random rewards serves the goals of social media platforms, but it might not serve our goals. Is the mini thrill of discovering another “like” worth the time and attention involved in constantly checking? Is the possibility of greater reach worth changing how or what you post?

And of course the reward system invariably changes, leading to a new wave of discussions and scrambling to unlock those elusive social media payoffs.

How To Build a Sustainable Relationship With Social Media

We use the term addiction lightly but often inaccurately. Although “internet addiction” is now officially recognized as a medical condition and “social media addiction” may soon follow, most people who use the Internet and social media are not addicts even if they recognize that they should cut down.

Being truly unable to resist the “just one more” urge to a point where it significantly affects your life and relationships might be a sign of a true addiction. Having difficulty breaking the “just one more” pull, however, is more likely just a sign of being human.

People who suffer from a true addiction often find that they need professional help to overcome their addiction. People who suffer from a less destructive over-consumption, on the other hand, may be able to put strategies in place to help themselves.

What can you do?

Set Your Own Rules

If we don’t set our own rules around social media use, we are left working under the rules of the social media platforms — and their rules are meant to benefit themselves even if it means eating its users up in the process.

Your rules will depend on what you want to get out of social media and also on how you are affected by social media use. What are your purposes or intentions with social media? How are you benefiting from social media? Are you suffering from the ill-effects of social media use? Are you someone who can use social media in moderation or someone who needs needs a stronger system in place for limiting your use?

Try A Small Experiment

To understand how and whether social media is negatively affecting you, try a small experiment: Take a social media break for at least several days — a week if you can manage it — and journal daily about how and whether the absence of social media is affecting you. After this break, go back to your usual routine and note the effects over the next week. If you like collecting data you could monitor the amount of time you spend on social media — not surprisingly, there are apps for this. You might also want to use a scale of 1 to 5 to give yourself a daily rating on things like mood, anxiety, mental fatigue and ability to focus, productivity, sleep quality and quantity, and attention span.

Implement Workable Strategies

If you decide you want to reduce or change your social media use, I offer the following suggestions as a starting point:

Cultivate a meta-awareness of the tricks that social media platforms use. Most people have an aversion to being manipulated so use that to your advantage. When we recognize the tricks used to grab and hold our time and attention, we may be better able to resist them.

I used this strategy when my kids were little and I was tired of using my waning mental energy to explain why they couldn’t have every bauble and bit of candy that caught their attention while shopping. One day before doing errands we talked about all the ways that stores try to get you to buy things — everything from putting things at eye level to colorful cartoons on cereal boxes. Hours later, as we were walking through Office Depot, my then five year old shouted, “Look mom! They put all those highlighters where I could see them to try and get me to buy them … but I’m not going to do it!”

Rethink and reframe your goals around social media. Growing your followers might be a means to an end, but it’s a pretty meaningless end in itself. “Likes” might feel like engagement but they are more like cotton candy - fleetingly sweet but ultimately without substance. Do you feel like you have to read and comment on everything? Why? What would happen if you didn’t? Having a better understanding of your purpose regarding social media will help you decide on a useful and sustainable level and type of engagement.

Slow down your pace of social media consumption. Reflect more and scroll less. If you will never get to the end of your feed anyway, why not interact in a way that favors quality over quantity and that is at a pace that’s easier on your eyes and brain?

Find workable ways to distance yourself from your mobile device. Fighting the pull of social media is difficult and you might have to do some small experiments to find what works for you. Try overcoming the “just one more” urge by deciding up front how much time you will spend scrolling and then set a timer to keep yourself honest. Cultivate a habit of physically distancing yourself from your phone at set points in the day, for example by putting it in another room in the evenings or during your morning routine. Try limiting your social media use to specific times of the day — for example, while you’re on the bus or during your coffee break.

Use an actual alarm clock rather than your phone. When the phone is on your nightstand it’s just too tempting to check social media before going to sleep and immediately upon waking up. Similarly, a wristwatch is a good alternative to using your phone to check the time.

Turn notifications off — or at least be very selective about what you let through. Pings are designed to get our attention and the pull of new information is almost impossible to ignore. On my phone, I can set everything to mute except texts or calls from my family.

Go directly to the posts of your friend group rather than looking at the default feed. On Facebook, you can look at notifications from friends and quickly decide what is worth your time. On Instagram, you can click on the Instagram logo in the upper left and then click on “following” to see only posts from the people you are following. Other social media sites might have similar tricks.

Stop Being a Pawn in the Attention Economy

Social media mission statements might talk about connecting people, keeping you informed, and providing a platform for meaningful dialog, but the bottom line is that these platforms make money by capturing and selling attention.

Toward that end, these platforms strive to hook and hold us by using a host of strategies based on our involuntary attention, our desire for belonging and social affirmation, our hunger for knowledge, and our concern about missing out. What’s more, these platforms get us to do their work for them by rewarding the creation of content that is likely to hook and engage other people.

On The Plus Side

Although social media might not be the friend you thought it was, it can still be wonderful. I have made genuine connections through Instagram and LinkedIn and I have been exposed to artwork and ideas that I would not otherwise have come across. I will continue to use and consume social media, but I will strive to do so intentionally and in moderation.

Social media is a powerful tool. When wielded with care and intent it can help us build things and expand our horizons; When wielded carelessly it is likely to cause injury.

How do you — or will you — make social media work for you instead of against you?